follovved:

call me super glue cause holy shit do i get attached

(Source: straighthater, via hallow-shell-ofa-girl)

wannabeastarshipranger:

perchu:

FILED UNDER: JOKES I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AS A CHILD

they were talking about his height 

They had not met him yet. This was a penis joke.

(Source: wheelchair-warrior, via hallow-shell-ofa-girl)

fasterfood:

"God damn it!" i yell as i stub my toe on a table. suddenly from the sky, i hear god reply "okay". the floor splits open, revealing a pit to hell. god pushes the table down into the pit, and then it seals up. he actually did it. god damned it.

(via zackisontumblr)

cosmo sex tip #669

raynarvaezjunior:

when you grab his shaft, yell “pull the lever kronk”

(via zackisontumblr)

thevulpixconspiracy:

rnikan:

SO AT WORK TODAY I WALKED IN AND MY MANAGER WAS ON THE GROUND CRYING AND I WAS LIKE KIM WHAT’S WRONG AND SHE POINTS TO THE ORDER SCREEN AND IT SAYS WE NEED TO MAKE 2000 PIZZAS BY 6 PM SO I CALLED THE GUY AND HE WAS LIKE “I MEANT TO ORDER 20 PIZZAS OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY I’M ON MOBILE” AND I’VE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

2000 PIZZAS.
The world is not yet ready.

(Source: soulgems, via 0f-m1ce-and-squidgy)